Maddie has been visiting since Wednesday which explains the lack of updates, I guess. I just haven’t really had the voice to bitch or moan about anything lately which makes blogging semi difficult.

Justin and Ryan had a house party on Friday. They live in the Haight and house parties have been a rarity so it was naturally filled with randos and a handful of people we knew and a shit load of people we didn’t. I got smashed beyond belief and was actually enjoying myself for once in my life until some sad excuse of a guy did a backflip onto their dining room table…and then five minutes later Justin’s laptop got stolen. My boyfriend has the worst luck of all time. He doesn’t believe in all of my nonsensical astrological beliefs and thinks it’s all just stupid fanciful girl stuff (which…it partially IS), but scorpios tend to have horrible luck and the amount of shit stolen from him just proves that. Also, things get stolen around eclipses and what do you know..there was an eclipse that night. He has had his bike, phone, bike seat (THAT I BOUGHT FOR LIKE 1 TRILLION DOLLARS), and now computer stolen from him. It’s like he’s constantly replacing the most expensive shit that he owns and can never catch a break. There is obviously a reason behind it…like astrology………..orkarmabutyouknowwhatever.

But anyway after the fact we decided that we could either sulk about his lap top which obviously was beyond recovering OR just obliterate ourselves and wake up and worry the next day. We ended up going to that super secret speakeasy warehouse spot that isn’t very super or secret at all. I never have fun when I go to that place and every time I end up there I become extremely anti-social and get smacked with self awareness and disgust towards the vapid relationships slowly developing around me. All of a sudden I can’t get out of a self inflicted theoretical k-hole that consists of me wondering how much of a waste of time getting fucked up is. SO GUYS, I’m really jaded these days. This time I promised myself I’d avoid becoming that bitter bitch and decided to actually attempt to have some sort of useless conversation with people I would never care to talk to again. 

I ended up talking to 2 gay guys that were really nice and enabled my nicotine habit after I ran out of my full pack from chain smoking. They were visiting from somewhere and I want to say it was another city that mattered like LA or New York, but I honestly can’t remember. They told me they were visiting because they were here for business and were filming a porn. People find it really easy to fuck with me because sometimes they think my reactions can come off as “sheltered” since I look like an eighteen year old who just discovered getting “drunk”…and when I really haven’t had the chance to portray myself this is a first-impression response I tend to get. So I assured that they weren’t fucking with me like three times until I realized they actually really were filming a porn. They continued to tell me they have sex for money a lot and it’s their job blahblahblah. I told them I worked retail and they told me to get into porn because I’d get paid a lot more. I would never in a million years consider the porn industry, but decided to toy with the idea just for that moment and in that conversation.

I pretended to be interested and I think they continued to give me tips on how to get started and how easy it sometimes is compared to other jobs they’ve had in their life. They actually supported my pseudo interest and kept telling me things like “Yeah girl it’s so something you could do…you know you just have to get over it and just do it!” I started to tune them out because I felt like I was too deep into pretending I was actually interested in the porn industry and lost interest in being pseudo interested. I always get to a point of the night which I call “the point of no return”. It means that there is nothing you can put into my system to make me wake back up and want to socialize or “party” more…all I want is sleep. Justin and Maddie and I all took a cab back to his apartment. Justin was still bitter about his laptop..understandably so. The cab driver tried to take his mind off of it by telling him to look at the moon because I think remnants of the eclipse were still visible. Justin told the cab driver “unless the eclipse can shit out a macbook..I don’t care”. I felt a little bad for the cab driver so I entertained the idea of the eclipse and tried to make light of the socially awkward cab situation. I was so SOCIALLY exhausted. So once that happened I passed out in Justin’s bed in between him and Maddie. It’s a nice thing to wake up next to both your best friend and boyfriend..platonically of course. 

We had to kick maddie out of the bed to have sex…and she asked about three times to make sure we weren’t fucking with her.