Since my v. long hiatus of updating this BS nothing has happened. I have actually been sitting in the same spot for the last 10 mos. waiting for the moment I would decide to write again. I haven’t eaten, slept, or moved. My whole body is covered in dead skin cells and my armpits are ripe with BO. I am also so, so hungry.
A bunch of shit has happened, you guys. I could sit here boring you to death with all the minute details but I don’t have time for that and neither do you (assuming someone out there might still follow this). I’ve moved out of the Mission and changed my major. I now have three years left of school (more or less) and because I work, graduating before the age of 26 would be a god damn miracle. Whatever, my peers don’t judge me. I guess, the only thing that REALLY matters is that at the ripe age of 23 I am fine and don’t have to ask my parents for $$$. That validates me, right? RIGHT?
I live in the Haight now, except I prefer to refer to my location as “Cole Valley” because I forever do not want to associate my existence with street children. I still work in the Mission, but I refuse to talk about my work, because it is embarrassing and in due time you’ll recognize me at my work place and I will start crying.
Remember that dude I was with that I broke up with so often people didn’t even give a shit if I was single because I was never really even single? Well, we are still together. We have next leveled our relationship and settled down our useless soap opera damage a lot. The most ~dramatic~ thing we do now is fight over shit like messy rooms and who ate my last piece of bread. It’s cool. I guess we got all the bullshit out of our systems and what was once a relationship full of shit is now shitless.
I have a lot more to say but I will spare you in the mean time. Trust me I have 10 mos. of bitching I need to catch up on and it’s gonna come easy.
But stay tuned ding dongs because I’m p. sure I’m about to start a HIYB revival.
OBLIGATORY DRAMATIC BLOG POST OF THE END OF FOREVER.
1. Life is confusing
2. Never let yourself be miserable unless it’s a necessary miserable to help you graduate to something less miserable
3. Don’t eat mexican food in New York
4. Don’t compare SF to NY
5. Do put yourself in nerve-wracking positions, but not always…esp. when it comes to responsibilities
6. Never ditch your friends for a dude unless they think of the idea first or are totally like “go for it girlfren” with no secret hard feelings.
7. Don’t fart confidently in public just because you think that shit is going to be silent unless it’s a loud venue
8. Sometimes going out when you have to open the next day is totally worth it unless you know in your heart it isn’t then save yourself before it’s too late
9. Don’t judge anyones relationship/job/or self….you never really know anything about anyone and once you do you always have to factor in change and timing
10. When there is a seat on MUNI and no old or decrepit people around you, you better take that shit because chances are it’s going to be/has been a long ass day.
11. Call your parents y’all. Call your grandparents too…cause when your flakey friends aren’t around they are all you’ve got.
12. Girls, trust your gut instinct. I swear to god our shit is some Suzie Miller, on point, crazy ass, fortune telling blessing that our mothers transferred over to us. TRUST. THAT. SHIT. Chances are if something feels sus…it’s way more sus than you even FEEL it is.
13. When shit pisses you off go blog abt it AND do something about it or ~~get ovr it.~~
14. When you can avoid unlucky things..do it just for good measure (like not ending this list at 13). Don’t live by it or let it control everything but you know, when you can…knock on wood and don’t open umbrellas inside etcetc…just for my sanity.
Thanks for reading y’all. Hasta Lavista for now. Glad I have all of my late teenz, early twentiez, break ups, make ups, and fuk ups in one catalog. Maybe one day I will update this shit again but for now it’s gonna be put to rest. Happy New Year-2012 you did me so wrong but so right and so boring. Whatever forever.
God everyone looks at you like someone died when you are recently broken up. But fear not y’all….I feel okay. I wish I could articulate how whack that shit filled two year relationship ended, but I will never be able to because…a. It was filled with cheat and lies and secrets and personal things and B. It was so fucked up that I don’t even have the vocabulary inside of me to explain it anymore. It would be like making 100 years of solitude into a movie. So instead I’m going to just turn to the peanut gallery that is my inbox….
1. He fucked MeOver
2. Probably not. Friends don’t treat friends like scum of the earth. Friends have your back and hold your hair when you have to puke and wipe your tears away and all that other fairy bff jargon. Will I be enemies with him? Probably not. If anything he will be a stranger..or some kind of facade of my very present past or something ~poetic~ like that. The thing about him is that he is a whole bunch of different people in one person (aka crazy). It’s unfortunate but a lot of people towards the end just saw this really awful side to our relationship but there were so many other facets involved. Shit just blows. There are some parts of him that I will be able to be friends with in time, but there will also be tons of his guts that I will hate forever..and so forth.
I’m single as fuck you guys. NEVER GOING BACK I SWEAR.
Every time I go out in Las Vegas I am reminded of how I have no girlfriends.
Also, I have become one of those people who says ~all of my best friends have moved away~. You guys, I made fun of those types of people like 2 years ago. Always called them out as being too set into their own routine and bland like oatmeal for not wanting to cultivate other friendships. Guess I know what it’s truly like to be bitter.
Just found out Anthony Bourdain has a Beastie Boys lyric tattooed on his inner thigh. Fuckkkkk. Meeeeeee. Like, as if he wasn’t already my ultimate dreamboat since I was sixteen but he had to add that cherry on top and just slay my heart.
I’m in Henderson, Nevada right now which is a small town 10 minutes on the freeway from Las Vegas, Nevada…or…”the Strip”. I went to high school here and basically refer to it as my home town even though I was born in Guam and moved all over the Pacific and Atlantic ocean in my wee little tot ages. I fucking hate and love coming home.
For starters my mother can’t stop making me homemade food that is better than anything I have eaten in the past year. I know everyone likes to brag about their mother’s cooking, but you really have no idea. If I were a total douche I would be inserting pictures of safron porridge, fried garlic, poached eggs, and gorgeous table settings and pasta dishes with walden filters galore..but I wont do that and will spare you. I am just going to trust that you trust me when I say my mother’s cooking would blow any over priced restaurant on Valencia straight outta the water.
I love seeing my family and my old friends. I like seeing how much better Las Vegas is doing as the little city that could. It feels so different but so much more the same every time I come back. I like the fact that I can eat at places like P.F Changs and Olive Garden with no shame and no trips to Daly City. I like seeing old tacky Vegas people that live in a Vegas bubble and get to see the contrast first hand when compared to SF’s liberal bubble.
But I also get extremely paranoid, because I realize I can only keep myself mentally stable when I am so far away from the only thing I know now. It’s internally irritating to find out that I am so emotionally dependent on San Francisco I am not willing to change. I refuse to. Is that unhealthy? To be dependent on a place so much so that you are too stubborn to make the right moves? Probably. It makes me feel extremely small and close minded. Almost like I subconsciously avoid big moves and opportunities because I am comfortable and completely satisfied with being comfortable.
Idunno maybe it’s just time to get out of there or something.
"IS NOTHING SACRED?"