Obviously smashed hobo: HELLO preddyladies how’ryalldoin

Erin mid conversation: -sorry

Me: nothing.

Anonymous asked: I saw you in the Powell Bart last night. You are way more foxy than your pictures lead on to believe. Also, nice cow shoes.

Well then.

Me: Oh please. I could take a picture of each turd of the day and instagram would make it look appealing. 

L: Yeahhh….but c’mon you know instagram is cool you’re just mad you don’t have it.

Me: I am just bitter I don’t have an iPhone..I will admit that..because you know what my pictures of pad thai and lattes and dvd covers would probably be better than yours. 

Anonymous asked: i found ur homemade porn movie on spankwire

Come on I don’t resemble Kim Kardashian that much.

Every year I always get really stressed out around Halloween and New Years. Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite holidays of the year because there isn’t any pressure put on by peers to have the most excessively debaucherous rendezvous of all time. Thanksgiving and Christmas are already excessive by their own definition, and you always end up drinking and passing out on the aforementioned holidays. New Years and Halloween are also nights that guarantee drinking and passing-out (albeit not from a food coma…), but they are extremely stressful to plan as a 20-something. 

Halloween is by far the most stressful holiday of all. First of all, it’s not only a week of getting wrecked and having to dress up, but it’s also my boyfriend’s birthday..so that means double wrecked for me. I have never really come to the conclusion as to why I put up with the excuse that goes something like, “but, it’s Halloween you have to..” when it’s actually just the 29th and I am already ready to be hungover for 3 days and not do jack shit. It’s like this huge build up party to the 31st and once we get to the 31st I suddenly don’t give a fuck and just want this party-excuse to be over. Then, once is all said and done I promise myself that next year I will actually ~try~ to have a costume that matters only to repeat offense a lazy-costume-death-cycle once again. I have ideas for the best costume ever like two months after October but for some reason my mind is too stressed out to think of even ONE idea around the time of the final seconds of the costume countdown. So fuck that. I’ll take tryptophan and presents over running around the city and chasing a party in a costume I don’t even like ANY day. 

Now on to New Years. New Years is ALRIGHT because everyone takes the days counting down to New Years pretty easy. No one wants to rage for a week because it’s almost New Years…so it isn’t as tough to get through as Halloween. The difficult thing for girls around New Years is the whole “what the fuck are we going to wear” thing. You don’t want to ring in the New Year with a bad outfit and you don’t want to dressdown or overdress or dress too uncomfortably. It has to be JUST right. It’s a really difficult thing to manage and to be honest I barely remember what the fuck I wore last year for new years…but it’s still one of my current problems. Need I remind you New Years is TOMORROW..and I still don’t know what I’m going to wear.

Another reason New Years kind of sucks is because it singles out the singles. People who are single either wind up kissing an old-fuck(buddy) or some random fuck once the clock strikes 12. Really ladies..is that how you want to start the first day of the rest of 2012…via a walk of shame? No. That sucks. The pressure to make out with someone at midnight sucks (unless you already have some kind of idea as to who you are going to make out with) and what about people in the service industry? When Justin worked at a bar I was stuck looking like the fag hag kissing gay dudes at midnight. 

New Years for me sucks this year because I work until 8:30 and I am attempting to go to that Oh Sees show at Brick and Mortar. People tell me “What…The Oh Sees play all the time you can do that any day of the year!” Well, yeah..but you can also do any other thing any day of the year..like use $40 in one night just for a cover. I can do that any day of the year…I can rent a hotel out any day of the year…I can dress up in glittery bullshit and blow into a kazoo any day of the year…you see where I am going with this? You can do anything any day of the year..whether it be New Years or Halloween. So you guys, I’m just not going to stress this New Year and just remind myself that whatever house party or bathroom drug time I feel like I am missing out on…I will probably experience one just like it at some point some time in the new year. It’s not like we are all going to die in the year 2012 anyway…..Oh, wait..

I drank so much last night and popped a xanax and then went to a taqueria after de bars and all I remember is walking home down 17th street eating something from said taqueria and thinking to myself “I DONT EVEN GIVE A FUCK THAT IM EATING THIS SO SLOPPY RIGHT NOW”. I don’t even remember what I ate, but apparently whatever it was wasn’t enough because I woke up to a box of crackers and Smuckers sundae fudge next to my bed. Really this is my life right now…

AND THERE WILL BE 12 VIRGINS FOR EVERYONE WHO ATTENDS. PRETTY GOOD DEAL FOR SEVEN DOLLARS.

www.twitter.com/honeyinyrbrain

Maddie has been visiting since Wednesday which explains the lack of updates, I guess. I just haven’t really had the voice to bitch or moan about anything lately which makes blogging semi difficult.

Justin and Ryan had a house party on Friday. They live in the Haight and house parties have been a rarity so it was naturally filled with randos and a handful of people we knew and a shit load of people we didn’t. I got smashed beyond belief and was actually enjoying myself for once in my life until some sad excuse of a guy did a backflip onto their dining room table…and then five minutes later Justin’s laptop got stolen. My boyfriend has the worst luck of all time. He doesn’t believe in all of my nonsensical astrological beliefs and thinks it’s all just stupid fanciful girl stuff (which…it partially IS), but scorpios tend to have horrible luck and the amount of shit stolen from him just proves that. Also, things get stolen around eclipses and what do you know..there was an eclipse that night. He has had his bike, phone, bike seat (THAT I BOUGHT FOR LIKE 1 TRILLION DOLLARS), and now computer stolen from him. It’s like he’s constantly replacing the most expensive shit that he owns and can never catch a break. There is obviously a reason behind it…like astrology………..orkarmabutyouknowwhatever.

But anyway after the fact we decided that we could either sulk about his lap top which obviously was beyond recovering OR just obliterate ourselves and wake up and worry the next day. We ended up going to that super secret speakeasy warehouse spot that isn’t very super or secret at all. I never have fun when I go to that place and every time I end up there I become extremely anti-social and get smacked with self awareness and disgust towards the vapid relationships slowly developing around me. All of a sudden I can’t get out of a self inflicted theoretical k-hole that consists of me wondering how much of a waste of time getting fucked up is. SO GUYS, I’m really jaded these days. This time I promised myself I’d avoid becoming that bitter bitch and decided to actually attempt to have some sort of useless conversation with people I would never care to talk to again. 

I ended up talking to 2 gay guys that were really nice and enabled my nicotine habit after I ran out of my full pack from chain smoking. They were visiting from somewhere and I want to say it was another city that mattered like LA or New York, but I honestly can’t remember. They told me they were visiting because they were here for business and were filming a porn. People find it really easy to fuck with me because sometimes they think my reactions can come off as “sheltered” since I look like an eighteen year old who just discovered getting “drunk”…and when I really haven’t had the chance to portray myself this is a first-impression response I tend to get. So I assured that they weren’t fucking with me like three times until I realized they actually really were filming a porn. They continued to tell me they have sex for money a lot and it’s their job blahblahblah. I told them I worked retail and they told me to get into porn because I’d get paid a lot more. I would never in a million years consider the porn industry, but decided to toy with the idea just for that moment and in that conversation.

I pretended to be interested and I think they continued to give me tips on how to get started and how easy it sometimes is compared to other jobs they’ve had in their life. They actually supported my pseudo interest and kept telling me things like “Yeah girl it’s so something you could do…you know you just have to get over it and just do it!” I started to tune them out because I felt like I was too deep into pretending I was actually interested in the porn industry and lost interest in being pseudo interested. I always get to a point of the night which I call “the point of no return”. It means that there is nothing you can put into my system to make me wake back up and want to socialize or “party” more…all I want is sleep. Justin and Maddie and I all took a cab back to his apartment. Justin was still bitter about his laptop..understandably so. The cab driver tried to take his mind off of it by telling him to look at the moon because I think remnants of the eclipse were still visible. Justin told the cab driver “unless the eclipse can shit out a macbook..I don’t care”. I felt a little bad for the cab driver so I entertained the idea of the eclipse and tried to make light of the socially awkward cab situation. I was so SOCIALLY exhausted. So once that happened I passed out in Justin’s bed in between him and Maddie. It’s a nice thing to wake up next to both your best friend and boyfriend..platonically of course. 

We had to kick maddie out of the bed to have sex…and she asked about three times to make sure we weren’t fucking with her.